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“My wife thinks that our betta fish, Mojito, has been alive for like five years. What she doesn’t know is that the role of Mojito has been played by THREE separate betta fish over that time. R.I.P. Mojitos one and two.”
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“My girlfriend locked her keys in her running car with her dog inside while picking up her daughter from daycare. I lied and said I had AAA, so it’d be free to get lockout service. In reality, I ordered AAA on the spot and paid extra to have same-day service, so she didn’t have something else to worry about.”
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