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An interesting study, but not a surprising one. Of course we’re drinking on the job more. We’re also doing drugs and watching porn way more, too. Because A) no one is around to tell us not to and B) What the fuck else are we supposed to do?

I’ll be the first to admit that I was drinking on the job well before quarantine. How could I not with a fully-stocked bar directly behind my desk? But even then I’d feel like a bit of a piece of shit pouring a whiskey and coke in front of my coworkers at 10 AM on a Tuesday. So I held back. But here in isolation, free from the judgmental eyes of everyone but the vintage Babe Ruth baseball card on my desk, I have gone from casual day drinker to full-blown alcoholic.

This is the first time I’ve admitted to myself or anyone just how depraved my life in quarantine has become. When people ask me how I stay busy during all of this, I could never tell them the truth. I haven’t been “blacking out at noon and waking up on the kitchen floor”. I’ve been “silently meditating”. I haven’t been “masturbating constantly”. I’ve merely “taken up bodyweight aerobic exercise”. But with you guys, I feel like I can be honest and open without fear of retribution.

Hopefully, if enough companies make it through quarantine without a significant loss in employee productivity, more business executives will look at studies like this and realize that maybe it’s OK for their personnel to drink during work hours. Like in the olden days. In the ’50s EVERYONE was going full Don Draper and maintaining a steady buzz at the office every singe day. Tilting that crystal decanter at 10 AM was as natural as tilting a pot of coffee. It would have been a great time to be an office worker. If you had a penis, of course.

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h/t New York Post

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