I remember watching the cracks forming in dating apps around 2019. I was sitting at the bar at Uchiko, a popular first-date hot spot in Austin. Uchiko is usually full of newly divorced men with zero game trying to wedge how rich they are into the conversation within the first 5 minutes. I call that move the “wallet slap.” But tonight was different, and an attractive young couple on a first date gave me a delightful change of pace, that is, if you like slow-moving train wrecks.
I tuned in when I heard the guy exclaiming, “Wait! You swiped right 300 times before you chose me? I don’t know whether to be flattered or angry?”
“Why would you be angry?”
“That much swiping left sounds more like an ego trip than anything else. Does your thumb hurt?”
I leaned in. He pressed on, “So if you don’t mind, why did you swipe right on me?”
“You said you were over 6′ tall.”
“Well I am.”
“But you’re really not. Maybe if you’re wearing shoe lifts or something?”
We’ll get back to these two in a minute, but suffice it to say the train never reached the station.
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